tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53985254633080803982024-02-19T10:46:09.512-06:00Midwest CookinIf you can find it at a Lutheran potluck, that's Midwest Cookin. If it contains Jello, Cool Whip, Velveeta, and/or ground beef, that's Midwest Cookin.
With this site, I will share with you some of the best (and worst) recipes I've found, ones that I feel are most representative of Midwest Cookin as I know it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger72125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-2020801920789111712012-09-28T17:20:00.000-05:002012-09-28T17:26:13.915-05:00Poor Man's StroganoffOne of my favorite things about Midwest Cookin is how, simply by changin the title of a recipe, a dish can go from bein "Half-assed, Inadequate Stroganoff" to bein "Poor Man's Stroganoff". But really, I don't see anythin in this recipe that makes it truly worthy of the Poor Man's title. Maybe I'm not familiar enough with "Rich Man's Stroganoff", but as far as I know, Stroganoff in general is not made with gold flakes and kobe beef.<br />
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This recipe was submitted to the blog by Mrs. Gertrude Black. (She sure knows her <a href="http://midwestcookin.blogspot.com/2008/09/wiener-water-soup.html">poor folks' food</a>!)<br />
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<b>Ingredients:</b> <br />
1/2 c. minced onion (<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">oh, do be a super-cheap dear and use the dried kind as well, won't you?</span></i>)<br />
1 clove garlic, minced (<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">only one clove - we don't want to just throw money away here!</span></i>)<br />
1/4 c. butter (<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">you can always use oleo if it's on sale</span></i>)<br />
1 lb. ground chuck (<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">correct me if I'm wrong, but "chuck" is like the crappiest meat you can get, right? so THAT'S where the 'Poor Man' in the title is comin from!</span></i>)<br />
2 Tbsp. flour<br />
1 tsp. salt<br />
1/4 tsp. pepper<br />
1 lb. fresh mushrooms or 1 (8 oz.) can mushrooms (<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">oh for crimeny sakes, don't waste $2.00 on fresh mushrooms when you can get the canned ones for 50 cents!</span></i>)<br />
1 can cream of chicken soup (<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">ugh. even the name of that shit makes me urp.</span></i>)<br />
1 c. sour cream (<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">hmmm...that better be cheap sour cream...if I just let some old milk sit out on the counter for a few days, won't that be the same?</span></i>)<br />
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<b>How to:</b> <br />
Saute onion and garlic in butter. Add meat and brown. Add flour, salt, pepper and mushrooms. Cook 5 minutes. Ad (<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">[sic]</span></i>) soup and simmer, uncovered, 10 minutes. Stir in sour cream. (<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">Yuck. Won't the last-minute sour cream make the soup get cold? Blecch. I'm not feelin so hot. I seriously have to go puke now. Our new slogan: "It's not H1N1 - it's Midwest Cookin!"</span></i>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-47867216673914819782009-11-06T16:02:00.000-06:002012-10-01T15:43:52.948-05:00Wonder Bread Cookies (Cheese Blintzes)Good lord, ladies. Givin a recipe with a horrific name a somewhat-recognizable subtitle does not make the recipe any less horrific, especially when one views the ingredients involved. This concoction was dreamed up by Marcia Wnek and Dorothy Majcher, and was submitted to the blog by the lovely Mrs. Gertrude Black. As Mrs. Black noted in her submission, "I know it's your job to comment, not mine, but I have to say that other than the eggs and cinnamon, there are no naturally occurrin foods in this recipe. Maybe sugar, but it's processed too..." Too true, Mrs. Black, too true. I also must note that a recipe of this caliber took not one but TWO determined gals to not only dream it up but to have the gall to actually make it and share it with others, no less.<br />
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By the way, this recipe will be the perfect appetizer for that big hobo feast you're plannin! Or, y'know, just call it dinner and feed it to the kids. White bread and sugar. I'm sure they'll love it.<br />
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<b>Ingredients:</b><br />
1 loaf Wonder or Sobig bread (<i style="color: #e06666;">don't know what Sobig bread is, and as a Midwesterner that makes me immediately suspicious of it</i>)<br />
2 (8 oz.) pkgs. cream cheese<br />
2 yolks (<i style="color: #e06666;">from eggs, I presume</i>)<br />
3/4 c. sugar<br />
1 stick margarine, melted (<i style="color: #e06666;">or oleo, if that's the way you swing</i>)<br />
1 c. sugar (<i style="color: #e06666;">eh? didn't you just tell me it needs 3/4 c. sugar? ever heard of combining ingredients and then explainin the split in your how-to portion? grumblegrumblegrumble</i>)<br />
4 tsp. cinnamon<br />
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<b>Oven temp:</b> 350 degrees<br />
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<b>Pan size:</b> (<i style="color: #e06666;">mysterious:</i>) "ungreased pan"<br />
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<b>How to:</b><br />
Cut crust from loaf of bread. (Bread must be fresh.) (<i style="color: #e06666;">Okay, boss. By the by, parenthetical asides are MY JOB on this site so step off, sisters.</i>) Roll each slice with rollin pin. Mix together cheese, egg yolks and 3/4 c. sugar. Spread mixture on bread generously (<i style="color: #e06666;">not cheaply, although you're one cheap bastard if you're makin this for somebody's party</i>) and roll up. Roll in melted margarine, then in a mixture of cinnamon and sugar. (<i style="color: #e06666;">it's poor man's monkey bread!</i>) Bake at 350 for 20 minutes on ungreased pan. Cut each in 2 or 3 pieces. (<i style="color: #e06666;">Thereby stretchin this cheapo recipe a s f a r a s y o u c a n . . .</i>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-56850935517042896992009-11-04T16:14:00.000-06:002009-11-04T16:14:53.765-06:00Tomato PuddinThis week on Midwest Cookin, we're gonna take a look at foods you might make if you've been negatively affected by our crap-o economy and need to save some dough on eats.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">Welcome to <b style="color: #38761d;">Broke As A Joke</b> week!</span><br />
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You may recall previous selections we've featured here on the blog, like <a href="http://midwestcookin.blogspot.com/2009/02/poor-man-steak.html">Poor Man Steak</a> and <a href="http://midwestcookin.blogspot.com/2008/09/wiener-water-soup.html">Wiener Water Soup</a>. Thriftiness and the Midwest go hand in hand, much like Velveeta and hamburger! Say, why not invite some hobos from the local library, Kmart parkin lot, or railyard (or your friends, I guess) and have a feast of famine! (And if your friends ARE hobos, well, then lucky you, right?)<br />
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Kickin off <span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Broke As A Jok</b>e</span> week is this super-classy recipe from Betty Wisniewski. You never thought of makin puddin from tomatoes? Well, hell's bells!<br />
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<b>Ingredients:</b><br />
2 (10 oz.) cans tomato puree (<i style="color: #e06666;">if you're real hard-up I bet you could use 2 big ol' bottles of ketchup from the Aldi's instead</i>)<br />
1/2 c. boilin water<br />
1 c. brown sugar<br />
1 tsp. salt<br />
2 1/2 c. (6 pieces toast) bread cubes (<i><span style="color: #e06666;">that better be white bread! - and preferably from the Wonder stale store</span></i>)<br />
1/2 c. melted butter (<i style="color: #e06666;">oooh...I don't know...butter can be kind of expensive...can I just use curdled milk instead</i><i style="color: #e06666;">?</i>)<br />
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<b>Oven temp:</b> 250 degrees<br />
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<b>Pan size:</b> "bakin dish" (<i style="color: #e06666;">as usual, your guess is as good as mine</i>)<br />
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<b>How to:</b> <br />
Boil tomatoes, water, sugar, and salt for 10 minutes. Place bread cubes in bakin dish. Pour over cubes: melted butter. (<i style="color: #e06666;">I take it Yoda wrote that instruction?</i>) Add puree mixture. Bake at 250 for 25 to 30 minutes. (<i style="color: #e06666;">And....? How the hell is this a puddin? Sounds more like thick tomato soup to me. With the added punch of soggy-ass bread crumbs. Mmmm! I say, serve this with a lovely bottle of Nite Train or Grape MD 20/20 and your hobo guests will be soooo impressed!</i>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-10919103543074659282009-10-30T15:26:00.000-05:002009-10-30T15:29:07.224-05:00Pig Lickin CakeYeah. You read that right. The name of this cake is PIG LICKIN. However, you will be surprised to learn that, unlike some of our other fabulous submissions, this cake does NOT contain <a href="http://midwestcookin.blogspot.com/2008/01/spamtastic-mincemeat-truffles.html">SPAM</a> or <a href="http://midwestcookin.blogspot.com/2008/02/pork-n-beans-cake.html">pork n' beans</a>. So where does the completely out-of-left-field name come from? Don't ask me, ask Bev Utash. She's the one who invented this Midwest classic.<br />
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If anyone out there knows why this is Pig Lickin Cake, or what the hell that means (blind guesses are acceptable too), please for the love of all that's holy let me know. Because the only images that Pig Lickin conjures in my mind are so NSFW it's not even funny, and this is a family establishment here goddammit.<br />
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Props to Mrs. Gertrude Black for yet again providin this blog with A-list material!<br />
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<b>Ingredients:</b> <br />
1 yellow cake mix (2 layer size)<br />
3 oz. box instant vanilla puddin<br />
3/4 c. oil (<i style="color: #e06666;">of the vegetable variety, I presume</i>)<br />
4 eggs<br />
1 sm. can mandarin oranges, undrained (<i style="color: #e06666;">thus far I see nothin relatin to pigs or lickin</i>)<br />
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<b>Oven Temp:</b> 350 degrees<br />
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<b>Pan size:</b> 9 x 13 x 2 (<i style="color: #e06666;">is there a 9 x 13 bakin pan in existance that isn't 2 inches deep? I've certainly never seen one</i>)<br />
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<b>How to:</b> <br />
Put all ingredients in large mixin bowl. Mix 2 to 3 minutes. Pour into 9" x 13" x 2" greased and floured or 2 (8" x 9") greased and floured round pans. (<i style="color: #e06666;">sorry, but double-decker cakes are a little too fancy for the church potluck, Bev. unless this is for a pig lickin weddin, we'll stick to the good ol' sheet cake</i>) Bake in preheated 350 degree oven 25 to 30 minutes for round pans or 30 to 35 minutes for a rectangular pan.<br />
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<b>Toppin: </b>(<i style="color: #e06666;">hey guess what? we didn't give you this in the ingredients list, so you probably neglected to purchase these additional items at the grocery store and won't realize you need them until it's too late! well, tough taco for you! of course, if you were a GOOD Midwest housewife, you'd keep a steady supply of all three of the followin items in the pantry, right next to your stockpile of cream of mushroom soups.</i>)<br />
15 oz. can crushed pineapple<br />
6 oz. box vanilla instant puddin <br />
8 oz. carton non dairy whip (<i style="color: #e06666;">a cake just isn't complete without a slatherin of Cool Whip!</i>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-11337774182348198192009-10-29T15:04:00.000-05:002009-10-29T15:10:15.855-05:00Hot Diggity-Hot DishOr, as I would prefer to call it, Hot Diggity-Food Poisonin. This hurlicious dish comes to us from Helen Murawski via Mrs. Gertrude Black. Again, keepin with the standard of great Hot Dishes everywhere, it appears that Ms. Murawski took the upcomin church potluck as an opportunity to clean out her fridge and pantry. I picture her tossin it all in a casserole and throwin it in the oven, sayin "I signed up for a hot dish. It's hot and it's in a dish. What more do they want?"<br />
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<b>Ingredients:</b><br />
2 c. macaroni, cooked (<i style="color: #e06666;">oh good, so it'll be nice and soggy by the time the dish has finished bakin</i>)<br />
1 lb. frankfurters, cut into quarters (<i style="color: #e06666;">frankfurters, as opposed to wieners. ugh. I just remembered what it's like to cut a hot dog in half.</i>)<br />
1 can creamed celery soup (<i style="color: #e06666;"><in accent="" french="">in French accent: "buht ohf caourse!"</in></i>)<br />
1 (8 oz.) tub sour cream (at room temperature) (<i style="color: #e06666;">that's just askin for trouble</i>)<br />
1 C. shredded carrots<br />
1/2 C. chopped onion<br />
1/4 C. chopped green peppers (<i style="color: #e06666;">oooh - adventurous vegetable</i>)<br />
1/2 tsp. dill weed (optional) (<i style="color: #e06666;">I'm not quite seein the connection between flavors here...would it add a pickly taste? <shudder></shudder></i>)<br />
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<b>Oven temp:</b> 350 degrees (<i style="color: #e06666;">aka Standard Hot Dish Temp</i>)<br />
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<b>Pan size:</b> greased 2-quart bakin dish<br />
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<b>How to:</b><br />
Prepare macaroni accordin to directions; drain. Preheat oven to 350. In large bowl, combine all ingredients and mix well (<i style="color: #e06666;">I can imagine that sound...squishy-squishy</i>). Turn into greased 2-quart bakin dish (<i style="color: #e06666;">bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!</i>). Cover and bake 30 to 35 minutes or until hot and bubbly. Makes 6 servins.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-62254875944366540462009-10-28T15:12:00.000-05:002009-10-29T15:06:06.101-05:00Raisin WineDisclosure: I will drink anythin - ANYTHIN - but there is no way I'd drink this unless I was a pathetically lonely teen with no friends (that looked) old enough to buy cheap beer for me. I think I'd even go for that hideous bile-flavored "dandelion" crap before I'd try this. Hell, I'd probably even drink nail polish remover first. Thanks to Mrs. Gertrude Black for sharin this with us. Bottoms up!<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />
4 lbs. raisins<br />
1 quart Welch's grape juice (<span style="color: #ff6666; font-style: italic;">don't go tryin to use the cheap shit - this is high quality stuff right here</span>)<br />
4 lbs. sugar<br />
1/2 cake yeast (<span style="color: #ff6666; font-style: italic;">why cake yeast? what <span style="font-weight: bold;">is</span> cake yeast? if I used bread yeast, would the world end? how do I get a 1/2 cake yeast anyway?</span>)<br />
7 c. hot water<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />
Combine ingredients. Stir for 26 days. (<span style="color: #ff6666; font-style: italic;">my, but that's a specific length of time...also, I'm pretty certain my arm will fall off after a solid 2 hours of stirrin, so I shudder to think what will happen after 624 hours of such activity.</span>) Put in a jug (<span style="color: #ff6666; font-style: italic;">preferably a cartoon one marked 'XXX'</span>) and let yeast set on the bottom. Put in bottles and put top on lightly. (<span style="color: #ff6666; font-style: italic;">or what - it will turn into a diet-Coke-and-Mentos-style geyser? this sure sounds dangerous and messy, and I'm not just talkin about what will happen if you actually drink it.</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-62260593198135599802009-10-28T14:45:00.000-05:002009-10-28T15:32:08.254-05:00Chicken LemoneHere's an...ahem...<span style="font-style: italic;">interestin</span> recipe from Mrs. Betty Sanders, via friend of the blog Mrs. Gertrude Black.<br /><br />On first read-through I said to myself, okay, what's so special about this? On second read-through I said out loud, "Now for heaven's sakes Betty, why the frozen lemonade? That's a rather odd choice for marinade." To which (in my imagination) Betty <span style="font-style: italic;">Draper</span> replied, in between drags off a cigarette, "Who cares. I'm trapped in a loveless marriage under the repressive thumb of 1960's male chauvinism. You're lucky it's not marinated in Kool-Aid and whiskey."<br /><br />At least the recipe name sounds French, so you can pretend you're Julia Child when tellin folks what you've made...<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />Boneless breast of chicken (1 full breast per person - 2 pieces) (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">but what if I want to serve more than two people? what do I do then? I CAN'T DO MATH!</span>)<br />Frozen lemonade (1 can for 4-6 servins) (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">this still has me shakin my head</span>)<br />Grated rind of 1 lemon (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">fancy!</span>)<br />Salt, pepper in flour for dredgin<br />Oil (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">what kind? oh who cares. I'm lucky it's not baby oil, right Bets?</span>)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oven temp:</span> 350 degrees<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pan size:</span> <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Who cares. Just try not to burn down the house.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Wash and pat dry chicken pieces. Place in a bowl. Lightly salt and pepper. Pour lemonade in a bowl and add to it the grated rind of lemon, stir to blend. Pour over chicken pieces. Cover and marinate for at least 8 hours. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">8 hours!? why, that's like a whole day of work! what am I supposed to do, get up at the crack of dawn to make this recipe? well maybe it's just for those lucky stay-at-homers.</span>)<br /><br />To Prepare: Remove chicken from marinade and dredge with flour. Lightly brown in cookin oil (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">oh.</span>) and place in a bakin pan. Cover with marinade and bake for approximately 1 hour at 350 degrees. Should come out moist, tender, and delicious. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">If you say so, Betty...</span>) Serve with rice and salad and vegetable (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">just one</span>) for a delicious meal. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">All right. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but now I believe the lady doth say "delicious" too much...</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-36989533924823973682009-03-03T12:40:00.000-06:002009-03-03T12:56:46.452-06:00Milkless, Butterless, Eggless CakeWe might as well also call this cake Tasteless and Joyless. Bid Jensen, the creator of this recipe, was way ahead of her time with this one, which predates Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, and the modern health food craze. I think they sell a similar version of this cake at my local health food Co-Op, only they call it "Vegan" and charge $5 a slice for it.<br /><br />Happy Birthday, DB!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />2 c. flour<br />1/2 tsp. salt<br />1 tsp. cinnamon<br />1/4 tsp. cloves<br />Little nutmeg (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">seriously, kids - go easy on the nutmeg; it's a known hallucinogen</span>)<br />1 c. raisins<br />1 tbsp. melted shortenin (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">yuck. why not just use oil?</span>)<br />1 c. sugar<br />1 1/4 tsp. bakin soda<br />1 c. liquid from raisins (<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">super yuck. I bet that smells deliteful.</span>)<br />1 tsp. vanilla<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oven temp:</span> 350 degrees<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pan size:</span> 9x12" pan (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">or 9x13, since that's actually the standard, but maybe ol' Bid wasn't so keen on the measurin?</span>)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Stew raisins so there will be one cup of liquid. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">maybe if you stewed them in booze, this cake wouldn't be Joyless anymore</span>) Cool. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">yeah, it <span style="font-weight: bold;">would</span> be cool if you stewed the raisins in liquor. nice to know we're on the same page, Bid</span>) Put liquid in bowl and add soda, shortenin and sugar. Sift flour and measure. Then sift with salt, cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">all this siftin is gettin old fast</span>) Beat 2 minutes - add raisins and vanilla. Serves 12. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">So I guess we'll just forget the step where you actually bake the damned cake, and just call this a Milkless, Butterless, Eggless, Tasteless, Joyless, Bakeless Cake. But I'm guessin if you actually wanted to serve this, you'd bake it for about 30-35 minutes.</span>)<br /><br />Different spices may be used - to taste. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Oh, so this isn't a Tasteless cake after all, then is it? If I can choose whatever spices I want - to taste - then I choose cayenne, oregano, Paul Prudhomme's Salmon Magic, and a can of Van de Kamp's Pork n Beans. With Cool Whip on top.</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-11108806229192077312009-02-23T12:31:00.000-06:002009-11-04T16:13:49.158-06:00Poor Man SteakWell, havin just read a bunch of news about this rotten economy, I figured we could all use some recipes for food that won't strain the budget, and this one certainly fits the bill both in ingredients and in name. (Note: I am not responsible if you end up needin triple-bypass from eatin a log of fried hamburger and three cans of cream of mushroom soup. If you want "healthy" poor folks' food, try <a href="http://midwestcookin.blogspot.com/2008/09/wiener-water-soup.html">Weiner Water Soup</a>.)<br />
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Readin the title of this recipe, I imagined Mike Myers as Linda Richman on the old SNL "Coffee Talk" sketch sayin, "Poor Man Steak is neither made of man nor steak. Discuss."<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />
3 lbs. hamburger<br />
1 onion, chopped fine<br />
1 c. milk<br />
1 c. dry bread crumbs<br />
Pepper<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">Oven temp:</span> 350 degrees 1 hour<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">Pan size:</span> 9x13" glass bakin pan<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />
Mix together and pat in cookie sheet. Cover with wax paper set in refrigerator overngiht (<span style="color: #ff6666; font-style: italic;">[sic]</span>). Next day cut in servin pieces (<span style="color: #ff6666; font-style: italic;">you should totally cut them in shapes like steak-shape, dog bone-shape, hand-shape</span>). Roll in flour and fry brown. Put in 9x13" glass bakin dish. (<span style="color: #ff6666; font-style: italic;">...and here's the big surprise...</span>) Cover with 3 cans of mushroom soup. (<span style="color: #ff6666; font-style: italic;">Ta-DAAAAAA! Betcha didn't see that comin! Why didn't Myrtle Johnson include that crucial ingredient in the list? Why? Because silly, <span style="font-weight: bold;">of course</span> you, like any good housewife, keep a stock of 6-8 cans of cream of mushroom soup in your pantry at all times. You never know when company is goin to drop in and demand a casserole on the fly! By the way, I assume that this should be baked after you pour the soup over it, but it doesn't actually say - just lists an oven temp and cook time under the ingredients list. <sigh> SO typical...</sigh></span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-29168396996687996922009-02-21T11:40:00.000-06:002009-02-21T11:53:43.080-06:00Chinese Bean CasseroleHere's another one from Erna, this time for a casserole that calls itself Chinese, though I am hard pressed to find anythin actually "Chinese" about this. If it were topped with chow mein noodles, or included water chestnuts, perhaps I could be swayed. But as it is, I think we can just chalk this one up as another ethnic-food-fakeout. Let's at least give the old gal props for not callin it "Oriental Bean Casserole".<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients</span><br />1 can French cut beans<br />1 can wax beans, yellow (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">really, is there any other color of wax beans? and if they're canned, they're more "sallow" than "yellow"</span>)<br />1 can bean sprouts (<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">oh, I bet this is where the "Chinese" comes from, because, y'know, only The Chinese eat those - that's why they're always branded "LaChoy" or "China Boy"</span>)<br />1 can cream of mushroom soup (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">it's not a casserole without one or more "cream-of" soups!</span>)<br />1 can French fried onions for toppin<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oven temp:</span> 350 degrees<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pan size:</span> "greased bakin dish"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Mix first 3 cans. Mix in the can of mushroom soup. Put in a greased bakin dish, and bake 1/2 hour. Put onions on top the last 10 minutes. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Hey waitaminute...this is just a standard green bean casserole, but with bean sprouts thrown in. "Chinese", my Aunt Fanny!</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-68532594295887545632009-02-21T11:26:00.000-06:002009-02-21T11:38:00.564-06:00Cold Water Cocoa CakeWelcome to the beautiful, newly-revamped version of Midwest Cookin! Just because the recipes are ugly don't mean the site has to be hideous.<br /><br />To celebrate the reboot, let's have some cake with Erna Perry!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients</span><br />1/2 c. butter<br />1/8 tsp. salt<br />1 c. sugar<br />1 tsp. vanilla<br />1/3 c. cold water (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">you better make damn sure it's cold because that's the ingredient that makes this baby special</span>)<br />1/2 c. cocoa<br />2 1/2 c. sifted cake flour (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">oooh, fancy! reminds me of Home Ec class</span>)<br />1 c. cold water (<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">yeah, more cold water - this ain't called Cold Water Cocoa Cake for nothin</span>)<br />3 egg whites, beaten with<br /> 3/4 c. sugar<br />1 1/3 tsp. soda dissolved in small amount of boilin water (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">and what, pray tell, is a "small amount"? this is goin into the cake, so a little specificity would be appreciated....aw hell. I'm talkin to a brick wall here.</span>)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oven temp:</span> 360 degrees (<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">that's right - 360, not 350</span>)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pan size:</span> 9x13-inch cake pan<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Cream butter, salt, sugar, and vanilla. Blend and add cocoa and cold water blended. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">huh?</span>) Alternately blend cocoa mixture with flour and remainin cold water. (<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">I feel an odd sense of deja vu</span>) Fold in the beaten egg white-sugar mixture. Last add the soda mixture. Stir thoroughly. Bake 35 minutes.<br /><br />This recipe has won several years at a county fair. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">showoff. I wonder what you get if you "win several years"? calendars? time travel? does the island skip back to 1954?</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-37131027791017525332008-11-25T09:31:00.001-06:002009-02-24T12:59:43.295-06:00Baby Food CakeCongratulations, Mrs. Tairy Greene on the birth of your adorable baby boy!<br /><br />To welcome little Pervis Greene into the world, here's a recipe for Baby Food Cake. Frankly, I'm a little surprised by this recipe because it actually sounds like it could be tasty. I suppose if you set out to make it sickenin though, in true Midwest Cookin fashion, you could substitute different combinations of baby food - strained peas and blueberry buckle would make a deliciously disgustin concoction for sure. Or, in the style of Pervis's father's famous <a href="http://midwestcookin.blogspot.com/2008/04/mr-tairy-greenes-casserole.html">casserole</a>, you could sub baby food macaroni and cheese, baby food "meat" (to take the place of the hot dogs), and cottage cheese for the three baby foods listed below. Mmmmmm-mmm!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />3 eggs<br />2 c. white sugar<br />1 1/4 c. vegetable oil<br />2 c. all-purpose flour<br />2 tsp. bakin soda<br />1 tsp. salt<br />1 (2.5 oz) jar applesauce baby food<br />1 (2.5 oz) jar carrot baby food<br />1 (2.5 oz) jar apricot baby food<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oven temp:</span> 350 degrees<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pan size:</span> 9x13 cake pan<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:<br /></span><span>Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour a 9x13 inch pan. </span><span>In a medium bowl, stir together the eggs, sugar, and oil. Combine the flour bakin soda and salt, stir into the egg mixture. Finally, stir in the baby food. Pour the batter into the prepared pan. </span><span>Bake for 25 to 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Cool and frost with your favorite cream cheese frostin (<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">yeah, definitely use your <span style="font-weight: bold;">favorite</span> cream cheese frostin, and not the cheap crap that you totally hate. I bet you could frost it with good ol Cool Whip too if you're a busy new mom or a total lazyass</span>).</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-86125692401968007352008-10-07T12:48:00.000-05:002009-02-21T10:04:30.074-06:00Caramel BarsThis is my mom's own recipe, for the greatest bars ever made in the history of Midwest Cookin. Yes, they are sugary. Yes, they are not "good for you". But they are so so so so so so so yummy and worth givin up a few extra calories for. Also, they do have oatmeal in them, so you can chalk that up to your daily dose of whole grain, right?<br /><br />I have never heard someone say they didn't like these, and if I ever do hear it, I might just punch them in the face for talkin smack about my momma's bars.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />1 1/2 c. flour<br />1 1/2 c. oatmeal<br />2 sticks + 2 tbsp. margarine (melted) (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">what? no oleo?</span>)<br />1 c. + 2 tbsp. brown sugar<br />3/4 tsp. soda (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">bakin soda, not soda pop, goofus</span>)<br />3/4 tsp. salt<br />1 bag caramels (<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">get some kids to unwrap them all, but you've got to watch em like a hawk - as my mom used to when we were kids - in order to make sure they don't eat half the caramels you need for the recipe</span>)<br />8 tbsp. milk<br />1 bag chocolate chips (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">keep your paws out of them, they're for the bars</span>)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oven temp:</span> 350 degrees<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pan size:</span> 9x13 cake pan<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Mix together first 6 ingredients and pat into a 9x13-inch pan (save 1/4 for topping). Bake 10 minutes at 350 degrees; set aside. Melt caramels with milk. Sprinkle chocolate chips over baked mixture Spread melted caramel over chips, then top with remainin crumbs. Bake 15 more minutes at 350 degrees. Do not overbake! (<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">or they will suck and be diamond-hard. I am very proud that my mom didn't leave out any important steps, like the oven temp or bake time. Too bad I can't say the same for lots of the other recipes on this site!!!</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-36611228152162884282008-10-06T12:27:00.000-05:002009-02-21T10:11:44.969-06:00Punkin BarsBars, bars, bars! The perennial classic, the foundation of the Midwest potluck dessert line!<br /><br />If you need to bake somethin up real quick for a Fall Bake Sale (there are like 10 of them goin on at my job this week, so I've got bake sales on the brain...), you can't go wrong with Punkin Bars.<br /><br />(Sorry, I just can't think of anythin snarky to say about Punkin Bars because I actually find them to be quite delish. But there will be other, more sinister bars to come in the future - I won't let you down!)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />2 c. sugar<br />1 c. salad oil (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">how bout vegetable or canola?</span>)<br />4 eggs<br />2 c. flour<br />2 tsp. bakin powder<br />1 tsp. soda<br />1-1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon<br />2 c. pumpkin<br /><br />FROSTIN:<br />1 (3 oz.) pkg. cream cheese<br />3/4 stick oleo (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">yay! oleo! I love that word!</span>)<br />1 tbsp. vanilla<br />3 c. powdered sugar<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oven temp:</span> 350 degrees<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pan size:</span> 11x17-inch jelly roll pan (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">who on earth makes jelly rolls anymore? I think they call em "bakin sheets" these days..</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">.</span>)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Mix all together and pour into a greased 11x17-inch jelly roll pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 to 25 minutes. (<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">And THEN you frost them. Probably after they've cooled [of course, the recipe is sufficiently vague on this aspect, most likely because if you're dumb enough to frost your bars before you bake em, you shouldn't be allowed to play with the stove].</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-14286012049402553802008-09-25T12:32:00.000-05:002009-11-04T16:13:29.063-06:00Wiener Water SoupWell, when the next Great Depression hits, we may all resort to eatin "food" like this "soup" which is the most depressin recipe I've ever seen. Other than hobos, who would actually eat this? Or, worse yet, serve it to their family? I feel like Child Services needs to be called on this recipe just for existin!<br />
<br />
Thanks to Midwest Cookin fan Mrs. Gertrude Black for submittin this one.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />
1 pkg. wieners<br />
3 c. water<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />
<div style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">Combine wieners and water in a two quart saucepan. Bring to a boil until wieners are cooked. Throw the wieners in the garbage. (</span><span style="color: #ff6666; font-style: italic;">WHAT?! you're broke enough to actually be eatin this swill and you're goin to toss perfectly good wieners in the garbage?!? you deserve to be poor.</span><span style="color: black;">)</span> <span style="color: black;">Serve soup. Serves 3. (</span><span style="color: #ff6666; font-style: italic;">Ugh - I bet this "soup" has a deliteful aroma. Urp.</span><span style="color: black;">)</span><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-68295739682758300022008-09-24T12:44:00.000-05:002009-02-21T10:14:36.307-06:00Macaroni and Cheese, HamburgerHmmm...I wonder what ingredients could possibly be in this recipe? Macaroni and cheese and hamburger, you say? Why, I never would have guessed!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />1 box macaroni and cheese dinner (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">go for the Kraft</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">!</span>)<br />1 lb. hamburger<br />1 can cream of mushroom soup (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">but of course!</span>)<br />1/2 can milk (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">canned milk? or a random can filled halfway with milk? these are the things that keep me up at night.</span>)<br />Onion<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Prepare macaroni and cheese accordin to directions. Fry hamburger and onion. Add hamburger to prepared macaroni and cheese dinner; add soup and milk. Season with salt and pepper. Heat and serve. Very easy to make and tastes great. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Gee, I'll have to take your word on that "tastes great" part, Shirley. I think ketchup would make a lovely accompaniment, don't you?</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-81837321402316450082008-07-19T13:42:00.000-05:002009-02-21T10:16:24.699-06:00Broken GlassFinally! A recipe that uses Jello but doesn't call itself a salad!<br /><br />Nope, not a salad. Just somethin dangerous that, as a rule, you generally want to avoid. Sounds like good eatin to me!<br /><br />This is recipe #5 in the <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" >July Jello Jigtacular</span>! Collect them all!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />1 pkg. ea. lemon, raspberry, lime, and orange Jello (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">did you catch that folks? 4 boxes of Jello</span>)<br />1 pkg. gelatin (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">make that 5 - this, though, is the unflavored stuff</span>)<br />1 c. pineapple juice<br />1/2 c. sugar<br />1/4 c. cold water<br />2 c. whippin cream (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">the liquidy stuff, not Cool Whip--although I know you're tempted</span>)<br />1 tsp. vanilla<br /><br />GRAHAM CRACKER CRUST:<br />24 graham crackers<br />1/2 c. butter (melted)<br />1/2 c. sugar<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pan size:</span> 8x13-inch pan (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">actually, I think the standard is 9x13, so don't travel the globe lookin for an 8x13 pan, ok?</span>)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Prepare graham cracker crust in an 8x13-inch pan. Prepare each box of Jello in 4 separate pans; set to harden (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">this is already usin up way too many dishes for my likin</span>). Soak gelatin in cold water. Heat pineapple juice and add gelatin; cool. Combine whippin cream, sugar and vanilla. Cut Jello and fold together with cream mixture, pineapple mixture and Jello. Pour into pan with graham cracker crust and sprinkle graham crackers on top. Refrigerate 2 hours. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">I wonder what this ends up lookin like? I just can't get a good mental visual on it at all. And why the hell is it called broken glass?</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-63905958944158429342008-07-19T13:06:00.001-05:002009-02-21T10:17:26.849-06:00Corn Beef SaladI hope you aren't eatin when you read this one, and if you are, you might want to put down that fork. This could very well be one of the foulest concoctions we've seen here at Midwest Cookin.<br /><br />I think the Midwest should have its own 4th of July competitive eatin fal-de-ral. Forget about Nathan's New York hot dog eatin contest. Those guys wouldn't last 3 bites if it was a contest featurin this dish.<br /><br />Dear readers, I present to you: Corn Beef Salad! (No, not "corned beef" - "<span style="font-style: italic;">corn </span>beef".)<br /><br />This recipe is #4 in the <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" >July Jello Jigtacular</span>! Collect them all!<br /><br />(<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">"Wait", you say, slowly comin to the realization of what you're about to read, "beef...and...Jello? NOOOOooooooooo!"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Yes.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />1 large pkg. lemon Jello<br />2 c. hot water<br />1 c. cold water<br />2 c. celery (chop fine)<br />2 tbsp. vinegar<br />1 small green pepper<br />4 boiled eggs (cut fine)<br />2 tbsp. onion (grated)<br />1 can corned beef (flaked)<br />1 c. mayonnaise (I use Miracle Whip) (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">thanks for the handy tip, Mary Wolf of Immanuel Lutheran</span>)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Mix Jello in hot (boilin) water. Add cold water. After Jello starts to set, whip. Fold in the remainin ingredients. Add a little parsley on top (if desired). (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Oh yes. The parsley will make it all better.</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-84619411360204795252008-07-19T12:49:00.000-05:002009-02-21T10:19:49.241-06:00Dark Cherry Salad SquaresI'm baffled as to what exactly justifies the use of the word "salad" in the title of this recipe. Is the use of Jello alone enough to call it a salad? I'd call it a dessert, but what do I know?<br /><br />The first ingredient here is dark cherries, which I normally love - but on seein the rest of the ingredients, I just don't think I could bring myself to sample a square. What do you think?<br /><br />This is recipe #3 in the <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" >July Jello Jigtacular</span>! Collect them all!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />2 c. Gourmet's Choice<span style="font-family:times new roman;"> (r) </span>dark sweet cherries (thawed, drained, reservin juice and cut in half)<br />1 1/2 c. boilin water<br />2 (3 oz.) pkgs. black cherry Jello (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">I've noticed that the word "pkg" hasn't been spelled out in any of this month's Jello recipes. Why?</span>)<br />1 (8 oz.) container whipped toppin (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">e.g., Cool Whip</span>)<br />1 c. white seedless grapes (cut in half)<br />1/2 c. sugar<br />1/4 c. Elite Egg (tm) substitute (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">oh, this just keeps gettin better and better</span>)<br />3/4 c. pineapple juice<br />2 tbsp. margarine<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Thaw and drain cherries, reservin juice. Add enough water to reserved juice to equal 1 1/2 c. liquid. Cut cherries in half; set aside. Dissolve Jello in boilin water. Add to reserved juice mixture. Chill until partially set. Fold in grapes and cherries. Pour into a 9x9-inch square pan; chill until firm. Combine sugar, flour, (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">wait - wh<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">at?</span> there's no flour in the ingredients list</span>) egg substitute and pineapple juice in saucepan. Cook, stirrin constantly until smooth and thickened. Stir in margarine; cool. Combine whipped toppin with egg mixture. Pour carefully over Jello. Chill. Makes 9 servins. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Phew. That's a lot of fancy cookin and ingredients for what could be a whole lot easier - take a can of fruit cocktail, pick out and eat all the peach and pear bits, dump the leftovers in a vat of cherry Jello and top with Cool Whip. Voila! I just came up with a new salad. We'll call it "Canned Gourmand's Delite Salad". That's copyrighted as of now.</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-54765655819269884152008-07-19T12:41:00.000-05:002009-02-21T10:21:07.260-06:00Carrot & Pineapple SaladMmmmm....noth<span id="__firefox-findbar-search-id" style="padding: 0pt; background-color: yellow; display: inline;font-size:inherit;color:black;" ></span>in says "salad" more than vegetables trapped in Jello. This is a little different twist on the Carrot & Pineapple Salad that one usually finds on the salad bars of buffet restaurants. The secret? Shhh - <span style="font-style: italic;">you use lemon Jello instead of orange Jello</span>! Brilliant!<br /><br />Recipe # 2 in the <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >July Jello Jigtacular</span>! Collect them all!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />2 c. carrots (grated)<br />1 c. crushed pineapple (drained)<br />1 pkg. lemon Jello<br />1/4 tsp. salt<br />1 tbsp. lemon juice<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Dissolve Jello in 1 c. hot water and 1 c. cold water. (I use my pineapple juice as part of my cold water.) (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">How very resourceful of you, Ms. Janet Leckness of Immanuel Lutheran Church!</span>) Add salt and lemon juice. Stir in carrots and pineapple. Pour in molds and chill. (Eh? What if you don't have individual Jello molds? What do you pour it into then? Oh, down the drain? Good idea.) Turn out on lettuce leaves and top with mayonnaise and nuts, if desired. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Oh dear. Mayonnaise <gag> on <urp> Jello? Excuse me folks, I need to use the bathr-</urp></gag></span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-67458669529100068652008-07-16T12:47:00.000-05:002009-02-21T10:21:30.638-06:00Applesauce SaladHello! I am back from my self-imposed hiatus and boy howdy, do I have some great recipes to share with you.<br /><br />It's July, and what key ingredient of Midwest Cookin also starts with a J? That's right - JELLO!!!<br /><br />I therefore welcome you to the<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">JULY JELLO JIGTACULAR!</span></span><br /></div><br />Our first entry is Applesauce Salad, from Mrs. Walter (Eleanora) Happel of Immanuel Lutheran Church. I never imagined that there would ever be a use for red hots other than as a cookie decoration, but Mrs. Walter (Eleanora) Happel has proven me wrong.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />1 (10 oz.) pkg. red hots<br />1 pkg. cherry Jello<br />1 pkg. lemon Jello<br />3 c. boilin water<br />1 (15 oz.) can applesauce<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Dissolve red hots, cherry Jello and lemon Jello with boilin water. Add applesauce. Refrigerate. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Well, couldn't get any simpler than that, eh? Don't ask me how long this should be refrigerated for; use your best judgment and at least wait until the "salad" is set.</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-23202744984224470492008-05-21T13:11:00.000-05:002009-02-21T10:25:07.636-06:003 Layer DelightIn keepin with my recent theme of <span style="font-style: italic;">delight</span>ful entries, here is an absolute classic as far as Midwestern desserts go. I've seen this not only at every potluck, picnic, and social I've ever been to in my entire life, but this particular item pops up on restaurant buffet tables with unbelievable frequency. Anyway, before I stopped eatin Cool Whip, I even enjoyed it once or twice myself.<br /><br />This particular version comes from Deb Wesley of Immanuel Lutheran. Thank you, Deb, for spellin "delight" correctly in your recipe title.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />1 c. flour<br />1 stick butter or margarine<br />3/4 c. nuts<br />1 large pkg. Philadelphia cream cheese (room temperature)<br />1 c. confectioners sugar<br />1 large carton Cool Whip<br />1 large pkg. Jello instant chocolate puddin<br />3 c. milk<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oven temp:</span> 350 degrees<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pan size:</span> 9x12 bakin dish<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Melt butter and mix with flour and nuts. Pat into a 9x12 inch pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes. After crust has cooled, put on second layer of cream cheese, confectioners sugar and 1/2 large carton of Cool Whip. Mix chocolate puddin and milk for third layer. top off with remainnin Cool Whip and garnish with remainin nuts. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Hold up. So, you aren't supposed to use all the nuts in the crust? Nice. Thanks for tellin me. AFTER THE CRUST IS DONE AND I USED UP ALL THE STUPID @$%# NUTS!!!!!</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-83230750327650993202008-05-16T20:17:00.000-05:002009-02-21T10:26:24.220-06:00Noodle Puddin DelightI've mentioned before my distaste of misspellin the word "delight" as "DELITE". Well, this recipe gets the spellin right, but I'll be damned if it gets anythin. Else. Right. At. All.<br /><br />Like, when I read this recipe I literally puked and swallowed it. WHO would eat this? It's like somethin they'd serve in Gitmo to torture prisoners. It's like a dare. It's like, as loyal reader Ballz McCracken said, "they started a recipe, went to turn the page and some pages were stuck together, so they ended on another recipe." <shudder> I couldn't agree more.<br /><br />And does anybody want to guess who supplied this recipe to me? Yep. It was good ol' Mrs. Tairy Greene. Rats off to ya, Mrs. Greene! Keep on cookin!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />2 c. medium wide noodles<br />2 eggs<br />3 tbsp Heinz tomato ketchup<br />3 tbsp sugar<br />1 <span style="border-bottom: 1px dashed rgb(0, 102, 204); background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; cursor: pointer; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;" class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1210977471_0">tbsp lemon juice</span><br />dash salt<br />1 tsp vanilla (<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">eh?</span>)<br />3 tbsp salad oil<br />1 can crushed pineapple, drained (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">what? WHAT?!</span>)<br />1 c seedless raisins (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">raisins and ketchup?</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"> </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">oh, HELL no!</span>)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oven temp:</span> 400 degrees<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pan size:</span> 1 1/2 quart casserole<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Cook noodles in salted boilin water until tender and drain, rinse. Beat eggs with next 5 ingredients until well blended. Add drained noodles; stir in salad oil. Add pineapple and raisins; turn mixture into greased 1 1/2 quart casserole or individual casseroles. Bake 40-45 minutes or until set. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">oh cripes, that does it.</span>) Serve hot. Makes 6-8 servins. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">I had to read the recipe twice before I realized where the "puddin" comes from. There's no puddin in it - the coagulated ketchup-egg-pineapple-oil-raisins mix makes its OWN puddin. Lunch ladies of the world, here's your new Friday special.</span>)<br /></shudder>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-82347834768351145722008-05-15T14:57:00.000-05:002009-02-21T10:27:12.612-06:00Spud BarsYes! Two things that Midwest Cookin just couldn't exist without: bars and potato buds!<br /><br />These actually sound kind of good. I may have to break down, buy some 'buds and give these a shot...<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />2 tbsp. diet margarine (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">what? yecch. I think I'll use butter.</span>)<br />1/4 c. granulated sugar (<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">I wonder what "non-granulated" sugar is?</span>)<br />1/4 c. brown sugar (packed)<br />6 packets granulated sugar substitute (equal to 1/4 c. sugar) (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">oh god, yuck! chemicals! why not put another damned 1/4 c. sugar in these for cryin out loud!? it's not like a little more sugar's gonna kill ya...</span>)<br />1/2 c. flour<br />1/2 tsp. bakin soda<br />1/4 tsp. salt<br />1/4 tsp. cinnamon<br />1 egg<br />1 tsp. vanilla extract<br />1/2 c. potato buds<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oven temp:</span> 350 degrees<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pan size:</span> 8x8 bakin dish<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />In a large bowl, with electric mixer at medium-high speed, cream together margarine, granulated sugar, brown sugar and sugar substitute. (<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">hell no. cut that out.</span>) Beat in flour, bakin soda, salt an dcinnamon until well blended. With spatula, stir in egg and vanilla, then potato buds. Pour batter into non-stick 8-inch square bakin pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. Cut and remove from pan while still slightly warm. Makes 16 tow-inch square bars, about 75 calories each. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Oh, so these are some sort of diet spud bars? Hence the diet margarine and nasty sugar substitute? Well, why didn't you say so in the title of the recipe!? I guess with my little changes to the recipe they'd be no longer diet, but they'd definitely taste better.</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5398525463308080398.post-24889905964037062642008-05-14T20:19:00.000-05:002009-02-21T10:28:06.696-06:00Tang PunchWell, it looks like it's finally goin to get warm around here. Mother Earth is takin her sweet time, but I'm sure one of these days here we'll have summer weather. And I, for one, can't wait!<br /><br />Yes, I have summer fever. I'm all ready to go to the pool, grill out, and sip cold and tasty beverages on my little patio. So here for your sippin pleasure is a punch recipe from Karen Freudenberg of the Immanuel Lutheran Dorcas Society.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ingredients:</span><br />2/3 c. powdered Tang (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">personally, I'm not a fan, but then again, I don't think I've tried it since my tastebuds matured at age 22. Maybe a second try would change my mind?</span>)<br />1/2 c. sugar<br />2 c. cranberry juice (Ocean Spray brand) (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">yes, god forbid you buy the Hy-Vee brand</span>)<br />3 c. water<br />1/4 tsp. almond extract (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">WTF?</span>)<br />1 qt. ginger ale<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pan size:</span> Get thee a punch bowl. I found a lovely glass one at Goodwill last winter for less than 5 bucks.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How to:</span><br />Mix Tang, sugar, water, and cranberry juice together. Freeze in a round ring or ice cube trays. When ready to serve, add almond extract and ginger ale to punch bowl. (<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Huh? How the hell is that punch? Ginger ale with a frozen chunk of Tang floatin in it does not a punch make. I really feel like somethin is missin from these instructions...Anyway, if you do decide to make it, I bet it would be really good with some vodka added to it. Just sayin...</span>)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0