Friday, November 6

Wonder Bread Cookies (Cheese Blintzes)

Good lord, ladies. Givin a recipe with a horrific name a somewhat-recognizable subtitle does not make the recipe any less horrific, especially when one views the ingredients involved. This concoction was dreamed up by Marcia Wnek and Dorothy Majcher, and was submitted to the blog by the lovely Mrs. Gertrude Black. As Mrs. Black noted in her submission, "I know it's your job to comment, not mine, but I have to say that other than the eggs and cinnamon, there are no naturally occurrin foods in this recipe. Maybe sugar, but it's processed too..." Too true, Mrs. Black, too true. I also must note that a recipe of this caliber took not one but TWO determined gals to not only dream it up but to have the gall to actually make it and share it with others, no less.

By the way, this recipe will be the perfect appetizer for that big hobo feast you're plannin! Or, y'know, just call it dinner and feed it to the kids. White bread and sugar. I'm sure they'll love it.

1 loaf Wonder or Sobig bread (don't know what Sobig bread is, and as a Midwesterner that makes me immediately suspicious of it)
2 (8 oz.) pkgs. cream cheese
2 yolks (from eggs, I presume)
3/4 c. sugar
1 stick margarine, melted (or oleo, if that's the way you swing)
1 c. sugar (eh? didn't you just tell me it needs 3/4 c. sugar? ever heard of combining ingredients and then explainin the split in your how-to portion? grumblegrumblegrumble)
4 tsp. cinnamon

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: (mysterious:) "ungreased pan"

How to:
Cut crust from loaf of bread. (Bread must be fresh.) (Okay, boss. By the by, parenthetical asides are MY JOB on this site so step off, sisters.) Roll each slice with rollin pin. Mix together cheese, egg yolks and 3/4 c. sugar. Spread mixture on bread generously (not cheaply, although you're one cheap bastard if you're makin this for somebody's party) and roll up. Roll in melted margarine, then in a mixture of cinnamon and sugar. (it's poor man's monkey bread!) Bake at 350 for 20 minutes on ungreased pan. Cut each in 2 or 3 pieces. (Thereby stretchin this cheapo recipe a s f a r a s y o u c a n . . .)

Wednesday, November 4

Tomato Puddin

This week on Midwest Cookin, we're gonna take a look at foods you might make if you've been negatively affected by our crap-o economy and need to save some dough on eats.

Welcome to Broke As A Joke week!

You may recall previous selections we've featured here on the blog, like Poor Man Steak and Wiener Water Soup. Thriftiness and the Midwest go hand in hand, much like Velveeta and hamburger! Say, why not invite some hobos from the local library, Kmart parkin lot, or railyard (or your friends, I guess) and have a feast of famine! (And if your friends ARE hobos, well, then lucky you, right?)

Kickin off Broke As A Joke week is this super-classy recipe from Betty Wisniewski. You never thought of makin puddin from tomatoes? Well, hell's bells!

2 (10 oz.) cans tomato puree (if you're real hard-up I bet you could use 2 big ol' bottles of ketchup from the Aldi's instead)
1/2 c. boilin water
1 c. brown sugar
1 tsp. salt
2 1/2 c. (6 pieces toast) bread cubes (that better be white bread! - and preferably from the Wonder stale store)
1/2 c. melted butter (oooh...I don't know...butter can be kind of expensive...can I just use curdled milk instead?)

Oven temp: 250 degrees

Pan size: "bakin dish" (as usual, your guess is as good as mine)

How to:
Boil tomatoes, water, sugar, and salt for 10 minutes. Place bread cubes in bakin dish. Pour over cubes: melted butter. (I take it Yoda wrote that instruction?) Add puree mixture. Bake at 250 for 25 to 30 minutes. (And....? How the hell is this a puddin? Sounds more like thick tomato soup to me. With the added punch of soggy-ass bread crumbs. Mmmm! I say, serve this with a lovely bottle of Nite Train or Grape MD 20/20 and your hobo guests will be soooo impressed!)