Wonder Bread Cookies (Cheese Blintzes)

Good lord, ladies. Givin a recipe with a horrific name a somewhat-recognizable subtitle does not make the recipe any less horrific, especially when one views the ingredients involved. This concoction was dreamed up by Marcia Wnek and Dorothy Majcher, and was submitted to the blog by the lovely Mrs. Gertrude Black. As Mrs. Black noted in her submission, "I know it's your job to comment, not mine, but I have to say that other than the eggs and cinnamon, there are no naturally occurrin foods in this recipe. Maybe sugar, but it's processed too..." Too true, Mrs. Black, too true. I also must note that a recipe of this caliber took not one but TWO determined gals to not only dream it up but to have the gall to actually make it and share it with others, no less.

By the way, this recipe will be the perfect appetizer for that big hobo feast you're plannin! Or, y'know, just call it dinner and feed it to the kids. White bread and sugar. I'm sure they'll love it.

Ingredients:
1 loaf Wonder or Sobig bread (don't know what Sobig bread is, and as a Midwesterner that makes me immediately suspicious of it)
2 (8 oz.) pkgs. cream cheese
2 yolks (from eggs, I presume)
3/4 c. sugar
1 stick margarine, melted (or oleo, if that's the way you swing)
1 c. sugar (eh? didn't you just tell me it needs 3/4 c. sugar? ever heard of combining ingredients and then explainin the split in your how-to portion? grumblegrumblegrumble)
4 tsp. cinnamon

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: (mysterious:) "ungreased pan"

How to:
Cut crust from loaf of bread. (Bread must be fresh.) (Okay, boss. By the by, parenthetical asides are MY JOB on this site so step off, sisters.) Roll each slice with rollin pin. Mix together cheese, egg yolks and 3/4 c. sugar. Spread mixture on bread generously (not cheaply, although you're one cheap bastard if you're makin this for somebody's party) and roll up. Roll in melted margarine, then in a mixture of cinnamon and sugar. (it's poor man's monkey bread!) Bake at 350 for 20 minutes on ungreased pan. Cut each in 2 or 3 pieces. (Thereby stretchin this cheapo recipe a s f a r a s y o u c a n . . .)

Percolator Punch

Hey! Here's a quick way to ruin a coffee maker!

I guarantee you'll never be able to make decent coffee again after gummin up your machine with this punch. I know, I know - it seems more attuned for Fall than Spring, but since these days the temperature alternates between freezin and comfortable dependin on the time of day, I don't think it's too late to give it a shot before the scorchin summer sets in.

You've been warned - sticky juice will wreck a coffee maker. Just ask my mom, who once attempted to clean hers with cider vinegar instead of white vinegar...

Ingredients:
1 qt. (4 c.) apple cider
1 pt. (2 c.) cranberry juice
1 pt. (2 c.) orange juice
1 tsp. whole allspice
1 tsp. whole cloves
3 cinnamon sticks (broken)

How to:
Combine juices in electric coffee maker. Place spices in percolator basket. Allow to go through heatin cycle. Serve hot. Makes 15 small punch cup servins.