Poor Man's Stroganoff

One of my favorite things about Midwest Cookin is how, simply by changin the title of a recipe, a dish can go from bein "Half-assed, Inadequate Stroganoff" to bein "Poor Man's Stroganoff". But really, I don't see anythin in this recipe that makes it truly worthy of the Poor Man's title. Maybe I'm not familiar enough with "Rich Man's Stroganoff", but as far as I know, Stroganoff in general is not made with gold flakes and kobe beef.

This recipe was submitted to the blog by Mrs. Gertrude Black. (She sure knows her poor folks' food!)

Ingredients:
1/2 c. minced onion (oh, do be a super-cheap dear and use the dried kind as well, won't you?)
1 clove garlic, minced (only one clove - we don't want to just throw money away here!)
1/4 c. butter (you can always use oleo if it's on sale)
1 lb. ground chuck (correct me if I'm wrong, but "chuck" is like the crappiest meat you can get, right? so THAT'S where the 'Poor Man' in the title is comin from!)
2 Tbsp. flour
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1 lb. fresh mushrooms or 1 (8 oz.) can mushrooms (oh for crimeny sakes, don't waste $2.00 on fresh mushrooms when you can get the canned ones for 50 cents!)
1 can cream of chicken soup (ugh. even the name of that shit makes me urp.)
1 c. sour cream (hmmm...that better be cheap sour cream...if I just let some old milk sit out on the counter for a few days, won't that be the same?)

How to:
Saute onion and garlic in butter. Add meat and brown. Add flour, salt, pepper and mushrooms. Cook 5 minutes. Ad ([sic]) soup and simmer, uncovered, 10 minutes. Stir in sour cream. (Yuck. Won't the last-minute sour cream make the soup get cold? Blecch. I'm not feelin so hot. I seriously have to go puke now. Our new slogan: "It's not H1N1 - it's Midwest Cookin!")

Wonder Bread Cookies (Cheese Blintzes)

Good lord, ladies. Givin a recipe with a horrific name a somewhat-recognizable subtitle does not make the recipe any less horrific, especially when one views the ingredients involved. This concoction was dreamed up by Marcia Wnek and Dorothy Majcher, and was submitted to the blog by the lovely Mrs. Gertrude Black. As Mrs. Black noted in her submission, "I know it's your job to comment, not mine, but I have to say that other than the eggs and cinnamon, there are no naturally occurrin foods in this recipe. Maybe sugar, but it's processed too..." Too true, Mrs. Black, too true. I also must note that a recipe of this caliber took not one but TWO determined gals to not only dream it up but to have the gall to actually make it and share it with others, no less.

By the way, this recipe will be the perfect appetizer for that big hobo feast you're plannin! Or, y'know, just call it dinner and feed it to the kids. White bread and sugar. I'm sure they'll love it.

Ingredients:
1 loaf Wonder or Sobig bread (don't know what Sobig bread is, and as a Midwesterner that makes me immediately suspicious of it)
2 (8 oz.) pkgs. cream cheese
2 yolks (from eggs, I presume)
3/4 c. sugar
1 stick margarine, melted (or oleo, if that's the way you swing)
1 c. sugar (eh? didn't you just tell me it needs 3/4 c. sugar? ever heard of combining ingredients and then explainin the split in your how-to portion? grumblegrumblegrumble)
4 tsp. cinnamon

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: (mysterious:) "ungreased pan"

How to:
Cut crust from loaf of bread. (Bread must be fresh.) (Okay, boss. By the by, parenthetical asides are MY JOB on this site so step off, sisters.) Roll each slice with rollin pin. Mix together cheese, egg yolks and 3/4 c. sugar. Spread mixture on bread generously (not cheaply, although you're one cheap bastard if you're makin this for somebody's party) and roll up. Roll in melted margarine, then in a mixture of cinnamon and sugar. (it's poor man's monkey bread!) Bake at 350 for 20 minutes on ungreased pan. Cut each in 2 or 3 pieces. (Thereby stretchin this cheapo recipe a s f a r a s y o u c a n . . .)

Tomato Puddin

This week on Midwest Cookin, we're gonna take a look at foods you might make if you've been negatively affected by our crap-o economy and need to save some dough on eats.

Welcome to Broke As A Joke week!

You may recall previous selections we've featured here on the blog, like Poor Man Steak and Wiener Water Soup. Thriftiness and the Midwest go hand in hand, much like Velveeta and hamburger! Say, why not invite some hobos from the local library, Kmart parkin lot, or railyard (or your friends, I guess) and have a feast of famine! (And if your friends ARE hobos, well, then lucky you, right?)

Kickin off Broke As A Joke week is this super-classy recipe from Betty Wisniewski. You never thought of makin puddin from tomatoes? Well, hell's bells!

Ingredients:
2 (10 oz.) cans tomato puree (if you're real hard-up I bet you could use 2 big ol' bottles of ketchup from the Aldi's instead)
1/2 c. boilin water
1 c. brown sugar
1 tsp. salt
2 1/2 c. (6 pieces toast) bread cubes (that better be white bread! - and preferably from the Wonder stale store)
1/2 c. melted butter (oooh...I don't know...butter can be kind of expensive...can I just use curdled milk instead?)

Oven temp: 250 degrees

Pan size: "bakin dish" (as usual, your guess is as good as mine)

How to:
Boil tomatoes, water, sugar, and salt for 10 minutes. Place bread cubes in bakin dish. Pour over cubes: melted butter. (I take it Yoda wrote that instruction?) Add puree mixture. Bake at 250 for 25 to 30 minutes. (And....? How the hell is this a puddin? Sounds more like thick tomato soup to me. With the added punch of soggy-ass bread crumbs. Mmmm! I say, serve this with a lovely bottle of Nite Train or Grape MD 20/20 and your hobo guests will be soooo impressed!)

Poor Man Steak

Well, havin just read a bunch of news about this rotten economy, I figured we could all use some recipes for food that won't strain the budget, and this one certainly fits the bill both in ingredients and in name. (Note: I am not responsible if you end up needin triple-bypass from eatin a log of fried hamburger and three cans of cream of mushroom soup. If you want "healthy" poor folks' food, try Weiner Water Soup.)

Readin the title of this recipe, I imagined Mike Myers as Linda Richman on the old SNL "Coffee Talk" sketch sayin, "Poor Man Steak is neither made of man nor steak. Discuss."

Ingredients:
3 lbs. hamburger
1 onion, chopped fine
1 c. milk
1 c. dry bread crumbs
Pepper

Oven temp: 350 degrees 1 hour

Pan size: 9x13" glass bakin pan

How to:
Mix together and pat in cookie sheet. Cover with wax paper set in refrigerator overngiht ([sic]). Next day cut in servin pieces (you should totally cut them in shapes like steak-shape, dog bone-shape, hand-shape). Roll in flour and fry brown. Put in 9x13" glass bakin dish. (...and here's the big surprise...) Cover with 3 cans of mushroom soup. (Ta-DAAAAAA! Betcha didn't see that comin! Why didn't Myrtle Johnson include that crucial ingredient in the list? Why? Because silly, of course you, like any good housewife, keep a stock of 6-8 cans of cream of mushroom soup in your pantry at all times. You never know when company is goin to drop in and demand a casserole on the fly! By the way, I assume that this should be baked after you pour the soup over it, but it doesn't actually say - just lists an oven temp and cook time under the ingredients list. SO typical...)

Wiener Water Soup

Well, when the next Great Depression hits, we may all resort to eatin "food" like this "soup" which is the most depressin recipe I've ever seen. Other than hobos, who would actually eat this? Or, worse yet, serve it to their family? I feel like Child Services needs to be called on this recipe just for existin!

Thanks to Midwest Cookin fan Mrs. Gertrude Black for submittin this one.

Ingredients:
1 pkg. wieners
3 c. water

How to:

Combine wieners and water in a two quart saucepan. Bring to a boil until wieners are cooked. Throw the wieners in the garbage. (WHAT?! you're broke enough to actually be eatin this swill and you're goin to toss perfectly good wieners in the garbage?!? you deserve to be poor.) Serve soup. Serves 3. (Ugh - I bet this "soup" has a deliteful aroma. Urp.)