Watergate Salad

I found a pretty sweet Richard Nixon commemorative plate at Goodwill the other day. So, to celebrate, I'm postin a recipe today that I swear has cropped up at every single potluck I've ever been to in my entire life: Watergate Salad! Thanks to Delores Schoepske for providin us with this perennial classic!

Ingredients:
1-3 oz. pkg. pistachio instant puddin
1-8 oz. container of Cool Whip (it wouldn't be a salad without Jello or Cool Whip somehow involved!)
1-16 oz. can crushed pineapple (not drained)
1/2 c. to 1 c. miniature marshmallows
1/2 c. nuts (optional)

Pan size: 9x9-in (a bowl will work too - that's how I've seen it done before)

How to:
Mix puddin and Cool Whip together. Add pineapple and marshmallows. Put in 9x9 pan. Refrigerate. (This salad, if you've never seen it before, is a lovely and unnatural shade of mint green. Tres 70's!)

Hot Dish

Ahhhh yes. This is what I've been waitin for. Simple, elusive, evasive...just what IS this Hot Dish you call food? Well, Caroline Steinkraus? Spill the beans...or...spill the Velveeta...whatever...

Ingredients:
1 box (2. c.) Creamettes macaroni (uncooked) (so...if you use a brand of macaroni other than Creamettes, will God strike you dead? I hope not...)
1-4 oz. pkg. dried beef (er...urrp...)
4 hard-cooked eggs (chopped)
2 cans cream of mushroom soup
2 c. milk
1/2 lb. Velveeta cheese
1 onion

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: 9x13 bakin dish

How to:
Combine in a 9x13 inch pan and let stand overnight in refrigerator. (WHY!!?!) Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour. Makes 10 servings. (Y'know. This just feels like the kind of recipe that a good Lutheran Lady would come up with at the 11th hour as the Lutheran Potluck was fast approachin. Just sayin. It seems a little...forced.)

Coca Cola Cake & Coca Cola Icin

Sweet baby Jesus. This cake has got to be the most sugar, fat, and calorie-laden concoction ever imagined. Who comes up with these things? Just readin the recipe, taken from the 1974 Roosevelt Elementary School Cookbook, has made my heart rate rise - if I actually ate a piece I'd go into an immediate sugar coma.

Coca Cola Cake
Ingredients:
1 c. butter (that's 2 sticks, kids)
1 3/4 c. sugar
2 c. flour
3 tbsp. cocoa
1 tsp. bakin soda
1 tsp. vanilla
2 eggs
1/2 c. buttermilk
1 c. Coca Cola
1 1/2 c. miniature marshmallows

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: 9x13 bakin pan, greased

How to:
Combine all except cola and marshmallows. Blend at low speed, then beat for one minute at medium speed. Add cola and blend well. Add marshmallows. Pour into greased 9x13 in. pan and bake in an oven at 350 F, for 40 to 45 min. or until done. Cool cake before icin.

Coca Cola Icin
Ingredients:
1/2 c. soft butter (that's yet another stick, kids)
1/3 c. Coca Cola
4 c. powdered sugar
3 tbsp. cocoa
1 c. chopped pecans

How to:
Mix butter, cola, powdered sugar and cocoa until smooth, then stir in the pecans. (Uh, and last step - slap the icin on the cake and enjoy your adult-onset diabetes.)

Beet Jelly

How weird is Beet Jelly? What exactly would you spread it on? Toast? SPAM?

I'd never heard of it, let alone eaten it until stumblin upon not one, but TWO recipes for it in the First Lutheran Church cookbook. I tried to pick one or the other, but finally gave up. The recipes are so unique that I just have to share them both. Enjoy!

Beet Jelly Recipe #1, by Nell Bremer
Ingredients:
4 c. beet water (peel and boil cut-up beets to get water)
5 c. sugar
1 pkg. raspberry Kool-Aid (do they even make that anymore?)
1 pkg. powdered pectin

How to:
Boil beet water, Kool-Aid, and pectin to full boil. Add sugar and boil again to full hard boil (ooh that's hot!) for 1 minute. Pour into jelly glasses. When cool, cover with paraffin and store. (Just below the end of the directions, separatin it from the next Beet Jelly recipe it says: "If you did all the things you should do before you go on vacation, it would be over before you started." What the hell does that mean? It's like some kind of Zen conundrum, like "the sound of one hand clapping"!)


Beet Jelly Recipe #2, by Esther Wolfgram
Ingredients:
6 c. beet juice
2 pkgs. Sure-Jell
1/3 c. real lemon juice (as opposed to the fake kind)
8 c. sugar (woah - WAY sugarier than the other one - this one gets my vote)
1-6 oz. pkg. raspberry jello (I take that back)

How to:
Scrub beets real good and cover with water and boil until almost done. (Beets can be canned for pickled beets or buttered beets.) (I'm glad Esther isn't wasteful with her beets. I'm lookin at you, Nell.) (Put juice through a cloth.) (Did that really need to be in parentheses? You're cuttin into my game here, Esther.) Bring beet juice to a boil and add 2 packages Sure-Jell and lemon juice. Bring to a boil. Add 8 cups sugar and raspberry jello. Boil 6 or 8 minutes. Skim and put in jars and seal with wax.

Margarets Pink Freeze

You know you're in for a crappy day when you wake up to the weather guy sayin that the wind chill will be minus 35 degrees in the mornin, warmin up to a balmy +4 by late afternoon. It was so cold on the short walk from the bus stop to the Art Buildin that my ears - though covered by hat and hair - were numb enough that I could have pierced them multiple times without flinchin.

In honor of this pendin ice age that we're experiencin here, I present to you today's recipe: Margarets Pink Freeze from Margaret Runge of the First Lutheran Church Ladies' Circle.

Ingredients:
2-3 oz. cream cheese (hmm...does this mean 2 to 3 ounces or two 3 ounce packages?)
2 tbsp. sugar
1-12 oz. can crushed pineapple (drained)
1 c. whipped cream
2 full tbsp. salad dressin (in other words, Miracle Whip - I doubt you'd want to use Thousand Island, French, Italian, or - heaven forbid - Ranch in this recipe. )
1 can cranberry sauce
1/2 c. nuts

How to:
Soften cream cheese to room temperature and blend in salad dressin, sugar, and cranberry sauce. Add pineapple and nuts. Use slow beater to mix. Fold in whipped cream and freeze. Serves 12. (unless you're havin me over for dinner, in which case it will serve 13)

Snow Ice Cream

It's been snowin "to beat the band" here lately, so I was inspired to post this snow-torious recipe from good Lutheran Lady Ruth Wright today.

Seriously though, Snow Ice Cream is perhaps the weirdest idea I've seen in awhile. I'm not sure I want to try it myself since the local snow would be made up of the local waterways (e.g., the Iowa River) - which are nasty, to say the least. I wonder if the snow would smell like the river? Like a rank mix of bleach, laundry detergent, dead fish, and bum urine? Well, if you are brave enough to give it a shot, share your results with the blog!

Ingredients:
1 egg
1/2 c. sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c. evaporated milk or cream
A Snowy Day (duh)

How to:
In large bowl, beat egg, sugar, vanilla and milk. After a new snowfall bring in a large pan of fresh, clean snow (in other words, not yellow or brown). Before it has a chance to melt, add to egg mixture by the cupful, stirring until ice cream is thick...........eat quickly. (The overabundant elipses are in the original recipe. Doesn't the combination of raw egg and snow sound kinda gross and/or salmonella-inducing?)

Ham Souffle

Oooh la la! So elegant, so refined! This is the perfect addition to the Hamtacular Spectacular. (Thanks to Corrine True of the Immanuel Lutheran Dorcas Society for this unusual recipe.) Enjoy - and remember, if anyone makes fun of you for makin a froo-froo souffle, you remind them that there's never nothin froo-froo about the Midwest's favorite: Haaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Ingredients:
16 slices fresh bread (remove crust)
8 oz. cream cheese
2 c. ham (cubed) or sausage (cooked) (wait a minute - if I'm readin this right, if you're usin ham it doesn't have to be cooked? that's ... hold on - is ham raw? or is it cured? can you tell I'm a vegetarian?)
3 c. milk
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. dry mustard
6 eggs
2 c. corn flakes (crushed)
1/2 c. butter (melted)

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: 9x13 bakin pan

How to:
Butter a 9x13-inch pan. Fit 8 slices of bread to cover bottom of pan. Add ham and cheese, top with 8 slices of bread. Mix other ingredients, pour over last layer of bread, cover with foil and refrigerate. (I don't know much about makin souffles, but this doesn't sound like the souffles I've seen before...) Before bakin, bring to room temperature, remove foil and top with corn flakes and butter. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour. Garnish with fresh fruit on servin plates. (I take it this is a breakfast dish then? It seems awful breakfasty.)

Ham Spread

The final entry in this weekend's Hamtacular Spectacular is Ham Spread. It's simple, it's versatile, it's got ham in it. Hey, I have an idea - if you're havin a Stupor Bowl party, why not just serve 10 different kinds of ham and/or SPAM to your guests? You won't have to look farther than this blog for awesome ideas! How bout servin Ham Balls, Ham Logs, Ham Spread and SPAM truffles? Mmmmmm....sounds like delicious!

This recipe is courtesy of Janet Leckness of Immanuel Lutheran Church & School. "Lutheran Schools Care A Lot!"

Ingredients:
2 c. ground ham
1-8 oz. package cream cheese
1/4 c. Miracle Whip or mayonnaise
1/2 tsp. dry mustard
1 tsp. dry parsley
1/4 c. onion, finely chopped

How to:
Combine and let stand in refrigerator 2 to 3 hours or overnight. (See, I told you it was easy! Wait - what are you supposed to serve this with? Crackers? Bread? Sorry, I don't know. Maybe you just put a spoon in it and eat it straight like ice cream.)

Ham Logs with Raisin Sauce

This one is for my brother DB, who loves ham so much that when he meditates, his mantra is "Haaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" I know he really misses good ol Midwest cookin, so I decided that this weekend should be a Hamtacular Spectacular.

It's also my Dad's birthday today, and he's an even bigger fan of ham than my brother. Happy birthday, Dad!

This recipe is courtesy of Mildred Sinnwell, and comes from the Immanuel Lutheran Dorcas Society's 1992 cookbook, Generations of Good Cookin.

Now if I could only get a copy of my brother's recipe for Pickle Surprise!

Ingredients:
1 lb. ground ham
1/2 lb. ground pork
3/4 c. milk
1/2 c. oatmeal
1 egg
2 tbsp. horseradish
1/2 tsp. salt & pepper

Raisin Sauce:
1 tbsp. corn starch
3/4 c. cold water
2 tbsp. lemon juice
2 tbsp. vinegar
1/2 c. brown sugar
1/4 c. raisins

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: standard bakin dish

How to:
Combine all ingredients; mix well. Shape into logs about 2-inches long. Place into bakin dish. Cover with raisin sauce. Bake at 350 degrees for 40 to 45 minutes.

For Raisin Sauce: Mix water and corn starch; blend well. Add remainin ingredients. Cook until mixture is smooth, stir continually. Pour over ham logs. (Logically, wouldn't it make sense to tell us to make the sauce and set it aside BEFORE tellin us to "combine all ingredients"? I guess Mildred's just assumin that everyone knows how to make Ham Balls/Logs/Whatever and only a grade-A moron would put the sauce ingredients in with the rest of the stuff.)

Ham Balls

Let's repeat that mantra: Haaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Part two of today's Hamtacular Spectacular. This recipe is H. J. Lichty's (does the H stand for Ham?), from the Immanuel Lutheran Dorcas cookbook, Generations of Good Cookin. I realize that Ham Balls and Ham Logs are very similar, but different meat shapes for different folks, right?

Besides, now that you know how to make em both, if you're havin a fancy party, you can serve a big ol platter of logs and balls - boy oh boy, your guests will sure thank you!

Ingredients:
2 1/2 lbs. smoked ground ham
1 lb. ground lean pork
2 lbs. ground beef (good lawd, that's a lot of meat!)
3 eggs
3 c. graham cracker crumbs
2 c. milk

Sauce:
2 cans tomato soup (oh good, this recipe is low-salt)
3/4 c. vinegar
2 c. brown sugar
2 tsp. dry mustard

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: ??? (casserole? bakin dish? who knows?)

How to:
Mix well the meats, eggs, crumbs, and milk. (Be sure to wash your hands after touchin your balls, kids.) Use ice cream dipper to form balls. Heat sauce and pour over balls. (OUCH!) Bake at 350 degrees for 1 to 1 1/2 hours. These freeze very well baked or unbaked. Makes 40 balls. (That's a lotta nuts balls!)

Glorified Rice

Just how does one make rice "glorified"? Why, turn it into a sweet, fruity concoction, that's how! Thanks to Mrs. Ross Burrill and the Rainbow of Recipes from Roosevelt School, you too can make this "salad" for your friends and enemies.

Ingredients:
1 small box Minute Rice (cooked and cooled)
Miniature marshmallows (if you're lookin to send the sweetness factor into coma-inducing overdrive, go for the frooty marshmallows instead of the white ones)
1 can crushed pineapple
Maraschino cherries
Large Cool Whip

How to:
Combine all ingredients and chill. (Ah yes, yet another vague recipe from Mrs. Burrill. How long do you chill it? What size of bowl should be used? Do you use all of the Cool Whip? All of the marshmallows in the bag? Your guess is as good as mine.)

SPAM, Baked Beans And Pineapple Casserole

Today is a SPAM double special, courtesy of Mrs. Tairy Greene of Des Moines. Mrs. Greene is a big fan of the blog, and an even bigger fan of processed meats. Her cats, however, apparently don't take too kindly to chunks of SPAM bein tossed in their direction.

Mrs. Green writes, "Mittens smelled the SPAM and quickly ran away. Fruity tried to bury it like a turd in the litter box. Darkie hungrily ate every cube!" (It should be noted that Darkie is mentally-challenged.)

Included with her recipe suggestion were photos of the finished product. MMMMM!

Ingredients:
1 12-ounce can SPAM luncheon meat
1 28-ounce can baked beans (with molasses)
1 20-ounce can pineapple rings
2 tablespoons brown sugar

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: Standard casserole

How to:
Heat oven to 350 degrees. Open all cans. Cut SPAM into ¼-inch slices. Dump beans into the bottom of a medium or large oven-proof casserole dish. Artistically place SPAM slices atop beans (like stairs). Cover with pineapple rings and sprinkle with brown sugar. Bake uncovered 30-40 minutes until SPAM is browned and bean juice is bubblin. (Bubblin bean juice? Oh man I just puked and swallowed it.) Serves 4 to 6.

SPAMtastic Mincemeat Truffles

And for dessert, I present you with what could possibly be the most disgustin recipe I've encountered yet. SPAM candy. Who in God's name is responsible for this nightmare? Thanks again to Mrs. Tairy Greene for this nausea-inducing concoction...

Ingredients:
1 envelope gelatin
2 tablespoons water
1 (12-ounce) can SPAM Lite luncheon meat (yeah, like usin the "lite" version would somehow make me less likely to vomit on bitin into one of these babies)
1 (9-ounce) box condensed mincemeat
1 cup Coffee-Mate powdered coffee creamer, preferably hazelnut
2 cups flaked coconut
½ cup black rum (well, at least it has booze in it)
1 teaspoon rum flavorin
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 pounds powdered sugar
1 cup walnut pieces
1 (24-ounce) package semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 (12-ounce) package white chocolate chips

How to:
Dissolve gelatin in water in microwave about 1 ½ minutes. In food processor combine SPAM and gelatin for 2 minutes at medium speed. Add mincemeat and coffee creamer. Process 2 minutes at medium speed.

Place SPAM mixture in large bowl. Add coconut, rum, rum flavorin, vanilla and powdered sugar. Mix well and refrigerate overnight.

Usin the large end of a melon baller, form candy into balls with a walnut piece in the center of each one. (Oh, yeah, that makes it so much better.) Freeze candy for several hours.

Melt dark chocolate chips in a small bowl in microwave for about 5 minutes. Usin a two-tined fork, dip each ball into the dark chocolate, shake off excess and place on waxed paper.
Melt white chocolate chips in microwave about 3 minutes. Place melted white chips in a Ziploc bag. Snip of a tiny bit of plastic from one corner of the bag. Drizzle white chocolate back and forth across candy balls.

Allow all chocolate to harden. Keeps in refrigerator for up to 10 days and yields 100 truffles. (Hey, I have a suggestion: Got one of those lame office food parties comin up? You should totally bring these puppies. Don't tell your coworkers what's in them, just wait for their reactions. People will eat them without knowin what they are, I assure you. I'd do it myself, but I don't have a job right now.)

5-Can Casserole

Thanks, Elvice Rosencranz, for submittin this elegant recipe to the Immanuel Lutheran Dorcas Cookbook: Generations of Good Cookin!

Ingredients:
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 small can boned chicken (or other meat or tuna)
1 small can evaporated milk
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 can Chow Mein noodles

Oven temp: ??? (This really seems like somethin that should, at the very least, be heated. But the recipe doesn't say a temp or a bake time. Should you really eat cream of chicken soup raw? Oh dear, I just puked and swallowed it.)

Pan size: Casserole, greased

How to:
Mix into greased casserole. Crush potato chips or corn flakes on top. (Oh my god. What? That's it? Stir up some cold soups and crap and toss some potato chips on top and that's food? Sounds like "bomb shelter special" to me. If you have the balls to try this cold, let me know so I can give you props here on the blog.)

Macaroni & Cheese Salad

Today's recipe is for a salad. Is this a cold salad? A hot salad? The recipe, courtesy of Mrs. Ross Burrill from the 1974 cookbook A Rainbow of Recipes from Roosevelt School, neglects to add these specifics, so we'll just call it a Tepid Macaroni & Cheese Salad.

Ingredients:
1 box macaroni, cooked (I presume this is regular elbow-style, but if you really want to get wild with this, you could make a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese instead)
1 to 2 c. cubed cheese
1 small onion, chopped
4-6 hard boiled eggs (chopped or sliced, I guess - or whole, if you want to mold the macaroni into a bird's nest and have the eggs sitting in it...which I don't recommend unless you plan to frighten the Ladies' Circle to death)
salt
2 heapin tbsp. pickle relish
1 c. mayonnaise
1 stalk celery, chop (that is not a typo on my part)
pepper

How to:
Combine all ingredients. (Well, it just doesn't get any easier than that, does it? Of course, you'd have to make a guess on bowl size, based on the quantity of ingredients. How bout you just chop everythin up on your kitchen counter and then figure out the bowl size from lookin at it?)

Hash Brown Casserole

Today, in honor of my Granny Bert Mickle's 77th birthday, I present to you one of her classic recipes, as recorded for posterity in the 1980 First Lutheran Church cookbook. Certain family members have attempted to copy this recipe in recent years, but the copycat dishes are always weak and soupy. Granny's original is still the best. Happy Birthday, Granny!

Ingredients:
1 pint sour cream
1/2 c. chopped onion
1 can cream of chicken soup (could sub cream of mushroom for a veggie version)
2 c. grated cheddar cheese
1 large bag frozen hash browns, 2 lbs.
1/2 c. melted margarine
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. pepper

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: 9x13 bakin dish

How to:
Mix all ingredients together, addin hash browns last. Spread in 9x13-inch ungreased and uncovered bakin dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 to 60 minutes.

Raisin Bars (Very Good!)

This recipe for bars is also from the Immanuel Dorcas Ladies' landmark book, Generations of Good Cookin. Bars are an important part of Midwest Cookin because they are like cookies but are much easier to tote to a potluck as a cold dish.

Marge Scheel provides us with this recipe for Raisin Bars (Very Good!). Apparently Marge needs to convince us of the bars' goodness, lest we be put off by the inclusion of health foods like raisins and oatmeal in the ingredients list.

Ingredients:
FLOUR MIXTURE:
1 1/2 c. flour
1 tsp bakin powder
1 c. brown sugar
1 1/2 c. quick oatmeal
3/4 c. butter

FILLIN:
2 c. raisins
1 1/2 c. hot water
1 c. sugar
2 tbsp. flour
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. ground cloves
1 tsp. vinegar (my guess is white or cider vinegar...I'm not sure that balsamic or red wine or rice vinegars would go too good with bars - like corn squeezins and pizza)
1 tbsp. butter

Oven temp: 325 degrees

Pan size: 9x13 bakin pan

How to:
For Flour Mixture: Put all together and work until thoroughly mixed. Press 2/3 of this mixture into a well greased and floured 9x13-inch pan. Save 1/3 for top.

For Fillin: Combine all ingredients for raisin fillin in a saucepan and boil until thickened, about 5 minutes. Spread over crumb mixture in the pan. Cover with remainin crumb mixture and bake at 325 degrees for 35 or 40 minutes. THESE ARE DELICIOUS. (Really, Marge, the added assurance at the end of the recipe is more of a turnoff for me. I mean, if that much convincin is needed...)

Old Fashion Cookies

Bakin cookies and bars is somethin that Lutheran ladies love to do, and the Immanuel Lutheran Dorcas Society has some very special recipes for sweet tooths (sweet teeth?) in their cookbook, Generations of Good Cookin.

This recipe for Old Fashion Cookies is courtesy of Karen Freudenberg.

Ingredients:
1 1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. oil or Crisco (go for the Crisco!)
2 eggs
1 c. sour cream
1/2 tsp. soda
2 3/4 c. flour
1/2 tsp. bakin powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 c. nuts (what kind? who cares. you decide.)

(Remember, these are OLD FASHION cookies, so no fancy-pants, new-fangled ingredients here!)

Oven temp: 350 degrees OR 400 degrees - take your pick

Pan size: cookie sheet(s), ungreased (I guess...doesn't say whether to grease them or not)

How to:
Mix sugar and oil OR Crisco together until creamy; add eggs and sour cream. Stir together dry ingredients and nuts. Add to creamy mixture and mix until all dry ingredients are moistened. (MOIST!) Chill in bowl for 2 hours. Drop by teaspoon on cookie sheet. May bake at 350 degree oven for 10 to 12 minutes or 400 degree oven for 8 to 10 minutes until very light brown.

Corn N' Broccoli Casserole

This recipe from Janet Pesch has the two staples without which Midwest Cookin could not exist: corn and casserole.

Ingredients:
1 can creamed corn
1 can whole corn (drained)
1 box Chicken In A Biskit crackers (m-m-m-m-MSG!)
1 stick margarine
1 10 oz. package frozen broccoli cuts

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: 8x8 bakin dish or standard casserole

How To:
Crush crackers and mix with melted margarine. Mix together corn, broccoli (which has been cooked a little) and half of the crumbs. Put in casserole and cover with remaining crumbs. Bake for 1/2 hour.

Corny Wiener Chowder

The second recipe for today is also courtesy of Mrs. Tairy Greene of Des Moines. Sounds great, Mrs. Greene. For your health!

Ingredients:
1 tbsp. butter or margarine
2 stalks celery, sliced
1 lb. wieners, sliced (uh huh huh huh...I just typed 'wieners')
1/4 tsp. salt
1 c. milk
2 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
16 oz. can creamed corn
10 3/4 oz. can condensed cream of potato soup

How to:
In large saucepan, cook celery in butter/margarine until tender. Add remainin ingredients. Simmer 15-20 minutes or until heated through and flavors are well blended. If desired, garnish with paprika or piniento.

Hot tip from Mrs. Tairy Greene:
Cubed ham, bologna, or SPAM may be subbed for wieners if wieners are scarce.

Mystery Salad!

You get a double dose of recipes today, from the hallowed halls of ancient Pillsbury texts. I wonder why folks don't eat stuff like this anymore?

The first recipe, Mystery Salad, is from Mrs. Tairy Greene of Des Moines, IA.

Ingredients:
3 packages lemon jello
1 1/2 c. boilin water
1 1/2 c. celery, chopped
1/3 c. onion, chopped
1/3 c. green pepper, chopped
3 cans tuna, drained (yes, that's right - tuna and jello)
3 cans condensed chicken noodle soup
8 oz. can water chestnuts, drained and chopped
1 1/2 c. mayonnaise or Miracle Whip
1 1/2 c. whippin cream (not whipped cream, whippin cream - thank god)

Pan size: 9x13 bakin dish

How to:
In a large bowl, dissolve jello in boilin water. Cool to lukewarm. Add all remainin ingredients and blend well. Pour into 9x13 pan and refrigerate until firm. (P.S. Try not to vomit.)

Mother's Peppernuts

Today's recipe comes to us from Leona Joens, from the First Lutheran Church Cookbook. I believe this is for some sort of cookie.

Ingredients:
2 c. sugar
1 c. lard (ew - I'd sub Crisco for that)
2 c. syrup or sorghum (wtf is "sorghum"? seems like a 50's thing)
2 eggs
2 even tsp. bakin soda dissolved in a little hot water
2 tsp. cloves
2 tsp. cinnamon
pinch of salt
8 c. flour (good lawd, that's a lot of flour!)

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: cookie sheet(s), greased

Cook time: ??? (IT DOESN'T SAY IN THE RECIPE! My guess would be 8-10 minutes, a standard cookie bakin time. Don't blame me if they turn out like crap - blame Leona.)

How to:
Roll out in hands and put on greased cookie sheet. (Okay...seriously, that's all she wrote. I presume that, like most cookie recipes, you'd combine the wet ingredients first, in a mixer, then separately combine the dry ingredients and gradually add the dry mixture to the wet in order to form the dough. I'm not sure what "roll out in hands" means, but let's say it means to make little balls of dough. As for what makes these "peppernuts" when they lack both pepper and nuts, your guess is as good as mine.)

Double-Decker Dinner

This casserole recipe comes to us from the First Lutheran Church Cookbook, courtesy of a Mrs. Nancy Niedert. Bein vegetarian, I am not about to try this recipe myself - but if you're a brave carnivore and make the attempt, please send me a picture of the finished product and after I return from puking in the sink, I'll post it on the blog.

Ingredients:
1 egg, beaten
1/2 c. tomato juice
1 1/2 c. soft bread crumbs, 2 slices bread
3/4 tsp. salt
dash pepper
1 lb. ground beef, pork, lamb, veal, or 2 c. cooked ground ham
1-10 oz. package frozen chopped broccoli
1 1/4 c. boiling water
1 c. quick-cooking rice
1/2 tsp. minced, dried onions (regular onion can be used in place of dry if you want)
1 tsp. salt
1 c. milk
1 c. shredded American cheese
2 eggs, beaten

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: 8x8 square, 2" deep

Cook time: 50 minutes total

How To:
In a mixin bowl, combine the first beaten egg, tomato juice, bread crumbs, 3/4 tsp. salt and pepper. Add meat and mix well. Pat meat evenly in bottom of ungreased pan or bakin dish (go ahead and give it a good smack, you devil you). Bake for 20 minutes. Drain off excess juices (gag) when done.

Meanwhile, in a 1-1/2 quart saucepan, cook broccoli in the water accordin to directions on package. DO NOT DRAIN! (woah - flashback...) (If usin a microwave, omit this step, just mix ingredients together and bake.) Stir in rice, onion, and salt. Bring to boil. Remove from heat. Cover and let stand for 5 minutes. Stir in milk, half of the cheese, and the 2 beaten eggs. Spread mixture over baked meat. Return to bakin dish to oven and bake for 30 minutes or till rice mixture is firm. Sprinkle remainin cheese on top. Let stand 10 minutes before servin. (If usin microwave, you might want to return to oven for a couple minutes to melt cheese.) (you, my dear Nancy, are a parentheses hog)

If usin ham, decrease salt. (why? because ham is salty? is that really goin to make a difference in the health benefits of this food?) May be done in microwave, but reduce water to 1/2 the amount. Recipe may be doubled without any problems (oh phew, I was worried), put in loaf cake pan.