Mother's Hot Milk Cake

Shame on me! I got so busy that I forgot to post the final recipe in the Mrs. Tairy Greene's Birthday Cake series! Here it is, from Lucille Bremer, the dessert with the most matronly (and innuendo-laden) name since Mother's Peppernuts -

Ingredients:
1 c. sugar
1 c. flour
2 tsp. bakin powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1 c. hot milk
1 tsp. vanilla
2 egg whites, beaten

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: 13x9x2" pan (i.e., 9x13 rectangular bakin dish)

How to:
Sift sugar, flour, bakin powder and salt three times. (Oooh - specific!) Place in mixin bowl. Pour hot milk and vanilla over mixture and mix well. Fold in beaten egg whites. Pour batter in a 13x9x2" ungreased cake pan and bake 25-30 minutes in a 350 degree oven. Frost with a boiled white icin. Serves 18. (Thanks for tellin us how many people this cake will serve, but what the devil is "boiled white icin" and where is the recipe for THAT, Lucille? Do you just expect us to eat unfrosted cake, like we're some kind of savages!?)

Mayonnaise Cake

Keepin with the tradition of puttin odd stuff into cake, Carol Schatz has a recipe that is essentially chocolate cake with mayonnaise added. I suppose that's to make it MOIST! (Schatz - the plural past tense of the verb "shit"?)

Ingredients:
2 c. flour
1 c. sugar
1 c. mayonnaise
1 c. cold water
1 tsp. vanilla
2 tsp. soda
dash of salt
3-4 tbsp. cocoa

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: 9x11 (Now that's odd. I thought the standard cake pan was 9x13. Well, I guess when you make this you need to cut off the extra 2 inches and shove them in your mouth really quick before anybody comes into the kitchen.)

How to:
Mix all above in a large mixin bowl and beat well. Pour into greased and floured pan and bake for 30-35 minutes.

Mashed Potato Cake

Apparently, there are a ton of strange things that can be incorporated into cake. But who comes up with this? And how? Like, who, in the middle of makin a cake, says, "Gee, y'know what would go really good in this? Pork n' beans! No, no wait - how about mashed potatoes?"

Kind of reminds me of Iron Chef for some reason. That would be a great battle - BATTLE MIDWEST COOKIN. The Chairman would lift the altar cover to reveal Velveeta, Cool Whip, pork n' beans, Potato Buds and Jello as the secret ingredients. I'd watch it.

Ingredients:
1 c. butter
2 c. sugar
2 c. cold potatoes (mashed)
4 eggs (well beaten)
2 c. flour
2 tsp. soda
2 tsp. cloves
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. nutmeg
1 tbsp. cocoa
3/4 c. sour cream
1 c. raisins
1 c. nuts

Icin:
3 tbsp. (level) flour
3/4 c. milk
1 stick butter
1 c. sugar
Vanilla (uh...how much? teaspoon, tablespoon, cup, gallon...)

Oven temp: 350 degrees

Pan size: no size, just "greased pans" (plural)

How to:
Cream butter and sugar; add potatoes and eggs. Add flour and spices alternately with sour cream. Add floured raisins and nuts. (Did I miss somethin? Where did it say to flour the raisins?) Pour into greased pans. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 to 55 minutes.

For Icin: Cook flour and milk until thick. Cool. Add butter and sugar which have been creamed together. (Now that's an oddly phrased sentence.) Add Vanilla. (The End.)